30.11.10

Bah, i'm ill. I felt like crap when i woke up today, so i just went to sleep again. And now i'm here, drinking tea and trying to heal. I have a piano exam today at 4PM. And a class after that. Fml. But i think i'm gonna do well at the exam, since i have practised the piece i have to play today, and it sounds quite good.
Also, there's so much snow on the ground that i can barely walk normally... What am i saying, i can't walk normally. Well, yesterday, after music school, a couple of friends decided that it's absolutely necessarry to throw me in a pile of snow. That's why i'm ill, i think, since i was comepletely soaked and had to go home. Oh well, it was fun, though.
I'm gonna make myself another cup of tea, and practise a bit of piano now. See ya laterz.

28.11.10

I had a nice weekend. I visited my unbiological brother and we celebrated his birthday from saturday 'til 4 o'clock today. When i arrived back at Tallinn, a friend of mine came to welcome me back, so we went to eat at a restaurant (well, it's not a real restaurant, a wannabe one), and then we went to enjoy the snowy view at Old Town. I'm pretty pleased with the last few days. Even though some things could be better then they are. Oh well, i'm gonna watch a movie now and then go to sleep. Bye.

25.11.10

Six high
up the sky,
eating the stars
alive,
kicked out by the society,
left to die by everything that's alive
and by everything
that's not.

Five high
up the sky,
sixth fell down,
laying on the ground,
only pieces left of
what used to be
a killermachine.

Four high
up the sky,
fifth blew up
trying to stop
the voices
trying to pull
his laces.

Three high
up the sky,
fourth sliced up
itself to avoid
destiny
that would end
with a bend.

Two high
up the sky,
third overdosed,
veins were closed
felt molested
second suggested
suicide.

One high
up the sky,
second was shot
by the first
and the last
and that's the whole cast
in this story.

Six down,
below the ground,
get out of my head,
you aren't my friends
stop pressuring me,
i don't want to
kill,
no more.

24.11.10

Exactly a month until Christmas. I wish Christmas wouldn't come. I wish nothing would come. I wish the time would stop. I just want to crawl to my bed and lie there for weeks. I don't know why i feel so tired all the time. I have no idea... I hate having to put on a smile whereever i go. I know i don't have to do it, actually, but people don't like sad people. And i don't want anyone to dislike me.

I got into a fight with my best friend yesterday. I won't write about the details, but it wasn't nice. It's weird not talking to her.

It seems like people around me are leaving. I hate it. Why won't you all just stay?

Wow, such a negative post. Well, shit happens, i feel like crap. I'm gonna go and make some tea. Bye.

Also, i don't know if you're reading this, but i miss you already.

23.11.10

I'm so tired.

21.11.10

Yesterday was a mess. A party that should've ended well. But it didn't. I ended up crying on a friend's shoulder. A friend i didn't even know i could actually call a friend. He supported me so well. He made me laugh. Truly laugh and smile from my heart. He told me things i won't share with anyone, but what made me happy on the inside. Even though i lost someone dear to me, i don't regret anything. It's all okay. I'm okay. I promise. Game over, baby.

20.11.10

Finally, home alone. I've been waiting for this for months. I can do whatever i want, until some of my friends come over for a party. Yay! I've been cleaning the whole morning now. I didn't really have to do it, but i wanted to. Which is weird, cause i hate cleaning. Oh well, i should go shopping to buy some drinks and food. But... For what money? I'll figure something out.

But i'm gonna go now, to shop and stuff, so bye!

18.11.10

Hey, folks, i'm sitting in our school's IT-class right now. I'm supposed to comment some crappy texts about elections. Buuut i don't give a crap, it's too boring. And oh my god... The grammar!! Christ. Even though i can't write correctly myself, they can't write at all! Anywhoo, what did i do yesterday? I went to school, then music school, and then home. Later i went downtown and played pool. And since me and my friend were 15 minutes late for a meeting with her boyfriend, her boyfriend was grumpy and insulted, so he just walked away and ruined everybody's mood. Whatever.
Also, it's snowing! There at least 10 cms of snow on the ground already and more to come. Yay! The only bad thing about it is the snowball fight in front of our school, so one can't really get out of school without getting a bunch of snow on his head and clothes. Bah.
But i'm gonna comment on these stories now, so bye for now!

15.11.10

I can't believe i haven't written anything for 5 days. I've been busy, i guess. Studying (not really), hanging out with friends, owning a personal life. On the weekend i was home for about 3 hours. I went to Saue, to a friend's place on friday, then to my boyfriend's place on saturday and on sunday to my grandparents' place, to celebrate Fathers' day (I hate fathers' day. I find it so unnecessarry, since my father is a jackass).

Today was an ordinary schoolday. 8 classes and then to music school. I was so distracted today, so i couldn't play anything. Just... couldn't. I can't even believe it myself, how much i sucked at the drums' class and the orchestra. At least the rest of the day was a success. I went shopping and got a new coat and boots, which i adore. Whenever i'll bother to take any pictures, i will post them. But until then: the coat is purple, ends about in the middle of my thighs, with a double row of buttons in front, also has a belt and a big collar. The boots are gray, with a little heel, some studs to decorate in in the front, and they are a bit cowboyish. Gosh, i look so... fashionable and... old in them. Oh well, i love them.

Christ, i will stop writing about my clothes now, night!

10.11.10*

Why the hell do people act differently around different people. WHY DON'T YOU JUST ACT THE SAME, NO MATTER WHO YOU'RE HANGING OUT WITH?? For christ's sake, this is really pissing me off.

10.11.10

Good morning from Estonia! Okay, it's actually 9.28 PM... But we shall ignore that, shall we? Anyway, today was very awesome, even though i had the worst mood ever in the morning. But then my whole week was made by my schoolmate, who yelled at me to shut up. And then she called me a fcking lesbian. I laughed my ass off. After school, i went home and just chilled. At about... 4 PM my friend called me and we went out. I came home at about half past 8 and now, here i am. Eating the last slices of pizza (yes, i'm that unhealthy).

Most of the people bitch and moan about eating after 6 PM, because it will affect their figure. But i don't really care, since it doesn't seem to affect me... Even though i don't usually eat much at night. I just drink tea. Lots of tea. With sugar. I'm such a sinner. Hehe. Not.

Actually i shouldn't be writing this blog right now. I should be studying and reading and playing the piano. But seriously... ''Faust''? No thanks, i'm not interested. I do want to draw, though. I made my first attempt to draw grotesqueish hybrid animals and i really like it. I haven't really seen anyone draw these things either, so maybe people will stop thinking that i'm copying others... What ever, fuck them, i don't care what they say.

But i'm gonna stop writing now. Have a nice evening, fellas.

Random

Just to delay the studying...

Bold what is true

My personality:

I’m loud.
I’m obnoxious.
I’m sarcastic.
I’m cocky.
I cry easily.
I have a bad temper.
For the most part i don’t like people.
I’m easy to get along with.
I have more enemies than friends.
I’ve smoked.
I’ve smoked weed.
I drink alcohol.
I drink coffee.
I clean my room daily.

My appearance:

I wear makeup sometimes.
I wear a piece of jewellery at all times.
I wear contacts.
I wear glasses.
I have braces.
I change my hair colour often.
I straighten my hair often.
I have a piercing.
I have small feet

Relationships:

I’m in a relationship now.
I’m single.
I’m crushin’.
I’ve missed an ex before.
I’m always scared of being hurt.
An ex has physically abused me at least once.
I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
I’ve been in love more than two times.
I believe in love at first sight.
I believe lust is more important than love.

Friendships:

I have a best friend.
I have at least ten friends.
I’ve gotten a phone call in the last 48 hours from a friend.
I’ve beaten up a friend.
I’ve been in a serious fight with a friend

Experiences:

I’ve been on a plane.
I’ve been on a train.
Someone close to me has died.
I’ve taken a taxi.
I’ve taken a city bus.
I’ve taken a school bus.
I’ve gone bungee jumping.
I’ve gone scuba diving.
I’ve made a speech.
I’ve been in some sort of club.
I’ve won an award.
I’ve spent 24 hours on the computer straight.
I’ve been in a physical fight.

Music:

I listen to R&B.
I listen to country.
I listen to pop.
I listen to techno.
I listen to rock.
I’m one of those people who play songs repeatedy until i hate it.
I hate the radio.
I download music.
I buy CD’s.

Television:

I spend at least six hours a day watching television.
I watch soap operas daily.
I’m in love with Days Of Our Lives.
I’ve seen and liked the O.C.
I’ve seen and liked One Tree Hill.
I’ve seen and like Americas Next Top Model.
I’ve seen and like Popular.
I’ve seen and like 24.
I’ve seen and liked CSI.
I’ve seen and like Everwood.
I’ve seen and like Spongebob Squarepants.

Family Life:

I get along with both of my parents.
My biological parents are still together.
I have at least one brother.
I have at least one sister.
I have at least one step brother/sister.
I have at least one half brother/sister.
I’ve been kicked out of the house.
I’ve ran away from my home.
I’ve sworn at my parents.
I’ve made my parents cry.
I’ve lied to my parents.
I’ve lied to my parents about where I am.
I’ve lied to my parents about what I’m doing.
I’ve lied to my parents so I’d be allowed out.
I’ve walked out when I’ve been grounded.

Hair:

I’ve been brown.
I’ve shaved my head.
I’ve had streaks.
I’ve cut my hair in the past year.
I’ve dyed my hair in the past year.
I’ve been blonde.
I’ve been black.
I’ve been red.
I’ve been light brown.
I’ve been medium brown.
I’ve been blue/green.
I’ve gotten my hair thinned.
I use conditioner.
I’ve used silk therapy.
I’ve used hot oil treatments.
I’ve curled my hair.
I’ve straightened my hair.
I’ve ironed my hair.
I’ve braided my hair.

School:

I’ve yelled at a teacher.
I’ve been suspended.
I’ve had an in-school suspension.
I’ve been sent to the principals office.
I’ve walked out of class.
I’ve skipped an entire day of school.
I’ve skipped a whole month of one certain class.
I’ve failed a test.
I’ve cheated on a test.
I’ve helped someone else cheat on a test.
I’ve failed Art.
I’ve failed P.E.
I’ve failed math.
I’ve failed science.
I’ve failed another class.
A teacher has called my parent

08.11.10

So, today was exhausting. I didn't study anything for today, and had a test in history (which sucked). Had 7 and a half classes at school, then ran home to put my stuff away and ran to music school. The drums' class was painful. Literally. You see, the song i play right now is Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit, and some parts are just way too fast for me (don't laugh, Magnus. -.-). So now my leg hurts a bit from all the trying. After that class i had orchestra, which was quite fun. After that i met my boyfriend, who wants the link to my blog (yes, this one). I hope you're happy! (Since i'm gonna give you the link when you come to msn).

I really should start studying properly for school, since my grades are pissing me off. I can do so much better. Speaking of which, i'm gonna go and study for a test in estonian, and do some maths and russian. And have a few (or more) nice cups of tea. Kthxbai.

04.11.10*

On the 4th of november, my best friend's brother died. Please light a candle for Vallo Puna. I did, and i will remember him. Will you?

May he Rest In Peace.

07.11.10

Today, i stayed home. Just spent my time listening to music, browsing through old photographs and watching some cheesy movies. Yesterday was different, though. I went downtown to meet up with some friends, and then met my boyfriend. He stayed overnight at my place, even though he wasn't allowed to. Oh well, who cares? I had fun, and i hope he did too. At 9 AM today i kicked him out. And soon i was home alone for a while. Felt good.

I'm seriously addicted to tea. I drink at LEAST 4 cups of tea in one day. Usually black tea with cinnamon, cocoa and sugar. I just can't get enough of it.

That's all for today, night.

04.11.10

Well, today was also usual. Went to school, drew some naked chicks, went to music school, spent the orchestra rehearsal laughing, went out with some friends, and now i'm home. The routine is too close already.

I don't like living a routine. I mean, sometimes it's necessarry, and even enjoyable but not when it's making my life boring. I can't ofcourse call my life boring, since it's not. But i just want to break the routine whenever it starts to invade my life. Am i not spontaneus enough? I think i am. I hope i am.

Oh! I rediscovered a really good band today. The Kooks. I used to listen to them all the time, but i just forgot it, i guess. They make the exact music, i've been wanting to listen to for a long time now. Gosh, how i love music... Making it and listening to it. I wish i had more motivation to concentrate on making music more. I guess i just haven't found my muse. That's what's keeping my inspiration away. I'm waiting for you, my muse... ( oh so cheesy. xD )

Anyways, i'm gonna go and make some more Cocee (black tea with cinnamon, cocoa and sugar), and study for tomorrow's psychology test. And listen to The Kooks. Have a nice night, whoever is reading this.

03.11.10

Today was boring. School (slept through the first class), music school (broke a bass drum's skin) and now home.

I've been sooooo inspired lately. Right now i'm drawing a picture that i actually like. I mean, i never like the drawings i create, especially when they're still in progress, but i love this one. Yay, for drawing half-naked girls!

Actually, i should be studying right now. I'm just too lazy to do that. I should take school more seriously, but i really just don't care anymore. It's just not interesting.

Also, i want summer back. Don't get me wrong, i like rain and i like chilly weather.. sometimes, not all the time. I miss the heat, the sun, the long evenings and warm summer rain. Just, please, let it be summer all year. Please?

But i'm gonna finish the drawing and go to sleep. G'night!

Just because...

Jealousy,

Turning saints in to the sea,

Swimming through sick lullabies,

Choking on your alibi.

But it's just the price i paid,

Destiny is calling me,

Open up my eager eyes,

Cause i'm Mr.Brightside.

Just because i find this song incredibly good and genius, and because i've listened to it the whole day. I know, it's not a new song, but i love it anyway.

Ladies and gentlemen, The Killers - Mr.Brightside.

02.11.2010

So, today was a usual day, i guess. School, music school, home. I feel really inspired today, so i drew alot. Should also play the piano, but i don't really feel like it. I don't really feel like doing anything lately.. I don't know why.

Maybe i should take some ''me'' time. Just be alone for a while. But i don't want that. I hate isolation. I must admit that i need people, even though they might not need me. Come to think of it... I don't think any of the people, with whom i communicate, actually need me. But then again. Should they? It's kind of stupid to depend on someone so much that one day, when they will leave, one will be depressed and suicidal. We really shouldn't depend on ANYONE that much. It will destroy us eventually. Also... am i making any sense? Probably not. It's Mr. TooLittleSleep and Mrs. TooMuchTea speaking... Writing*. Now to think of it. I should make a post only about tea. Yeah... I'll do that. One day... Right now i should be studying and sleeping. Not at the same time, ofcourse. That would be just... silly. I should go-

Oh, before i forget. I went to see Saw 3D premiere on sunday. It was AWESOME! And really funny. And also very retarded. After that me and a few friends joined the Zombie Walk. Some people on the streets scared the crap out of me.

Anywho, I shall go to sleep now. Adios, amigos. xx